Husband Is For Drama

by the Provident Woman | January 23rd, 2010

We moms get it all. Dirty diapers, sick children, cooking, cleaning the toilet, wiping faces. I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure my husband tries to avoid dealing with all of the above. A secret to maintaining normal around our house is to avoid speaking the word “sick.” You know how Clark Kent can go into a telephone booth and come out Superman – like in a moments notice? My husband will change into a full hazmat suit to keep from catching something from me or the kids.

Whenever I become ill, I am certain to see him pop in and out of the room throughout the day tending to my needs. I know it’s him coming to the door, rather than the kids, because I hear this exaggerated inhale of air. The door opens and he comes in, tends me, then disappears with lightning speed out of the room, with an incredibly quick exhale and inhale of air. It’s funny, because I can’t help but hold my breathe (if I’m feeling well enough), just like when you watch a movie and someone is swimming under the water. How does he hold air that long?

A few nights ago as I am walking from the car to the theater for work, the phone rings. “Help! I’m sorry, I know you’re at work, but you’ve gotta come home. Dean threw up on me and all over the house. There’s throw-up everywhere!”

“Clint, I just got to work and I’m already late as it is. I can’t just come home…I’ll call my mom and she can come over and help you.”

“No. She can’t. I don’t have any pants on…he threw up all over me. I took them off. You’ve gotta come home. Please! This IS an emergency!”

“Fine. I’ll leave here in a few minutes.”

I get home and my son is all washed up. The house is clean…in fact, I didn’t see any “mess” anywhere for that matter. “I thought you said he threw up all over the house. It looks like you’ve got things under control.”

“He did! It was everywhere. But I cleaned it up. Most of it.”

“So what do I need to clean up?” I asked him, actually frustrated that I had left work for this almost-but-not-really emergency.

He pointed. “Over there…it’s just a miracle I was able to clean most of it up.” He’d cleaned the kitchen tile, but left the trail through the living room carpet just for me. But it wasn’t EVERYWHERE. If there was a “sickness event” of epic proportions, the evidence was gone. Clint had this, “You had to be here” look on his face.

I calmed him down and explained that the next time a kid gets sick, just use one of the baby blankets until the child is through. This not only creates less mess than trailing throw-up throughout the house, but it is also easier to clean.

I also threatened to call him at work and demand he come home and help me clean up puke next time one of the kids throws up. AND I’M GOING TO DO IT!!!

14 Responses to “Husband Is For Drama”

1

Crystal says:

January 23, 2010 at 10:43 am

I could see my hubby doing this, but he knows that I would not have come home, I’m just ornery like that.

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2

Amanda says:

January 23, 2010 at 11:56 am

I would have been so annoyed.

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3

Nikki says:

January 23, 2010 at 12:53 pm

That is SO Clint. I am laughing very hard right now. We love you Clint and you Mary for putting up with all of his quirks.

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4

Martyenniss says:

January 23, 2010 at 3:00 pm

That is the best story. Hope he didn’t mind you sharing it. I left a little shout out for your site on my blog last night. It was in praise of you husband actually. He really does sound precious.
You should go read it.
take care

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5

Maurisa says:

January 23, 2010 at 3:34 pm

If I worked outside our home, I could definitely see my hubby doing the same thing. Just hilarious! If only I could have done that when he was deployed to Saudi Arabia years ago and we were all down for the count with a stomach bug! How did I survive?

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6

Pam says:

January 23, 2010 at 4:08 pm

Earlier this month I had a dead…very, very dead, mouse in m briefcase. My husband wouldn’t take care of it. At all. So I threw away the briefcase. Sad, sad story…

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7

Michelle says:

January 23, 2010 at 5:51 pm

My husband is a fireman and has seen things at accidents that no person should see, but if one of our kids vomits, he acts like he is going to and makes me clean it up. It’s so not fair.

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8

Brandy says:

January 23, 2010 at 6:29 pm

That is so funny! My husband is the same way! Can’t handle anything gross like that. Must be a man thing! LOL!

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9

Lana says:

January 23, 2010 at 7:43 pm

Iam a mom (I consider myself his mom) and I would have averted my eyes. BUT – he needs to stand in your shoes more often. Love, Mom.

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10

em-jay says:

January 23, 2010 at 8:08 pm

Wow, that is such a sad story! Wow.

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11

Jenni says:

January 23, 2010 at 8:57 pm

Lol, I always follow my kids around with a bucket when they are sick, because I can’t stand to clean it off the floor! When Logan was tiny, he puked down the front of my shirt, and I actually CUT the shirt off to avoid pulling it off over my face. Give me poo, or pee any day, but not vomit!

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12

Suzicate says:

January 25, 2010 at 1:07 pm

Vomit is what seperates the sissies (AKA daddies) from the mommies! I think god blessed moomies with the tender hearts and the tough-as-nails gag/reflex system! This sounds just like something my husband would have done when the kids were little.

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13

Oklahoma Granny says:

January 26, 2010 at 11:44 am

When our kids were at home my poor husband was the hazmat cleanup crew. It was either clean up after the kid(s) or the kid(s) AND me. It the one thing I just couldn’t do. Blow-out diapers, piece of cake; blood and guts, can take care of that too but, throw-up – just typing this is making my stomach start to turn.

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14

marie says:

January 28, 2010 at 8:10 am

awww… why is everyone so germ phobic these days? i honestly don’t remember my dad ever getting so much as a cold, and he always made a point of kissing and hugging us when we were sick, even when my mom kept her distance! )

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